Post by °artist on Jul 31, 2009 11:26:18 GMT -5
Okay so I wrote this story in the beginning of this year and found it yesterday. I just want some feedback on it because apparently I'm the only one who thinks it sucks ass =/
Blue eyed girl, do you know where you are? Baby girl these are the streets, can you survive? Probably not; I'll get you started. First we gotta get rid of this cold, make you numb. Walk this way and let's get this show on the road. "What is that?" Silly girl, ain't you ever seen drugs before? You shake your head and that pretty hair tumbles forward, falling over you face. I brush it away, keep your eyes on the joint. Watch it light up, flame reflected in your wide eyes. I take a hit, show you how it's done, then pass it off; somewhat reluctantly- this is a good one. You hesitate, but I insist. You close your eyes, inhale, then they snap open and you jerk away, coughing. Hey, take it easy now, we've just begun. When you can breathe again you take in the smoke- you can't waste this stuff, take every bit. I hand it back over and you take it slow, you catch on fast- I'm glad. It's darker now, light only coming from the flickering ember. Your eyes can only see the smoke, but don't worry, they'll adapt soon. Your hands reach out eagerly- you're addicted already. But that's enough for now, two joints gone. It's time to get street smart. Slowly you get to your feet, don't stumble now. I need to test something. Without giving you a second glance I take off running. Consumed by the night. You don't even hesitate, smart girl. Bare feet slap down on the concrete we need to get you shoes. Can't have those pretty little feet getting all cut up. I stop running and blend into the shadows. Let's play a game. Stopping briefly under a street lamp you look around. Curly blond hair flowing over your shoulders and stopping at your hips. You wear nothing but that thin white dress, shoes and clothes are what you need. Suddenly your eyes lock onto mine, not even seconds pass before you're in front of me, accusation written on your face. I smile and ruffle your hair, you'll do just fine. Your eyes practically beg for more, not yet Baby. That stuff doesn't come free or cheap. I look at the time, we're late. Grabbing your hand I pull you along. Coming up is a small black car- nondescript, unnoticeable. A pale hand flickers out the driver's side window, a sign. You crawl into the back seat while I go upfront- we're outta here. "A real cute one you have here." She doesn't call me by name- no one knows it and I want to keep it that way. Her voice made you jump, don't worry. She is going to take care of you, get you ready for later, don't worry. The drive is a short one as we finally pull up to a high end apartment. Your eyes widen at the view- you'll get used to it. She kills the engine and we all head to the elevator shaft. Once inside she looks you up and down, her new Barbie. Entering her apartment you'll take it all in. The clothes strewn about, makeup everywhere, paraphernalia cluttering various corners. A small box is thrown at you, you catch it with surprising swiftness. Turning it over in your hands you notice the detailed french script scrawled over the box. "Imported. Best of the best." She reminds you. Finding the lighter inside with ease, a cigarette disappears. A flicker of a gas flame and the box and lighter vanish as you bring the cigarette to your lips. We smile at you approvingly- you'll do just fine. I pull you down onto my lap, sitting on the bed while she expertly skims through piles of clothing. "Come here, doll." A bit reluctantly you lean away from me, it's okay. I give you a gentle push and you find her standing in front of a wall length mirror. Shoving clothes into your hands, she tells you to put them on quickly. Taking a final drag you grind out the cigarette in the available space left in a near-by ashtray. The white dress slips off, like a symbol of your purity- now it's gone. Pure black, sin, stretches over you now, barely covering anything. You hardly notice. She smiles wickedly , pleased. "You need a name, doll." She ponders this while another cigarette disappears from that pretty little box. I don't listen for a name, I don't want to hear it; you're just another step closer to hell for me. Instead I admire you. "Lacey" You nod approvingly while she applies makeup, you're beautiful already. We have to go. Strapping on those matching heels, you dance out of the door. She tied black lace around your neck. Back in the car, back on the road. I'm driving now. 60, 70, 80, faster in the little black car. Now we're at a mansion, you can already hear the music. You wear a maddening grin as the engine is killed. It suits you. " Lacey" You look up, immediately caught in her eyes. "Watch and learn, baby doll." Almost too eagerly, you nod your head, setting loose those curls that refused to be pinned down.
(C) not-your-puppy.deviantart.com/ARTIST/JULIA! PAWS OFF!
*NOTE: THIS ISN'T FINISHED AND NO, I DON'T PLAN ON FINISHING IT!*
Blue eyed girl, do you know where you are? Baby girl these are the streets, can you survive? Probably not; I'll get you started. First we gotta get rid of this cold, make you numb. Walk this way and let's get this show on the road. "What is that?" Silly girl, ain't you ever seen drugs before? You shake your head and that pretty hair tumbles forward, falling over you face. I brush it away, keep your eyes on the joint. Watch it light up, flame reflected in your wide eyes. I take a hit, show you how it's done, then pass it off; somewhat reluctantly- this is a good one. You hesitate, but I insist. You close your eyes, inhale, then they snap open and you jerk away, coughing. Hey, take it easy now, we've just begun. When you can breathe again you take in the smoke- you can't waste this stuff, take every bit. I hand it back over and you take it slow, you catch on fast- I'm glad. It's darker now, light only coming from the flickering ember. Your eyes can only see the smoke, but don't worry, they'll adapt soon. Your hands reach out eagerly- you're addicted already. But that's enough for now, two joints gone. It's time to get street smart. Slowly you get to your feet, don't stumble now. I need to test something. Without giving you a second glance I take off running. Consumed by the night. You don't even hesitate, smart girl. Bare feet slap down on the concrete we need to get you shoes. Can't have those pretty little feet getting all cut up. I stop running and blend into the shadows. Let's play a game. Stopping briefly under a street lamp you look around. Curly blond hair flowing over your shoulders and stopping at your hips. You wear nothing but that thin white dress, shoes and clothes are what you need. Suddenly your eyes lock onto mine, not even seconds pass before you're in front of me, accusation written on your face. I smile and ruffle your hair, you'll do just fine. Your eyes practically beg for more, not yet Baby. That stuff doesn't come free or cheap. I look at the time, we're late. Grabbing your hand I pull you along. Coming up is a small black car- nondescript, unnoticeable. A pale hand flickers out the driver's side window, a sign. You crawl into the back seat while I go upfront- we're outta here. "A real cute one you have here." She doesn't call me by name- no one knows it and I want to keep it that way. Her voice made you jump, don't worry. She is going to take care of you, get you ready for later, don't worry. The drive is a short one as we finally pull up to a high end apartment. Your eyes widen at the view- you'll get used to it. She kills the engine and we all head to the elevator shaft. Once inside she looks you up and down, her new Barbie. Entering her apartment you'll take it all in. The clothes strewn about, makeup everywhere, paraphernalia cluttering various corners. A small box is thrown at you, you catch it with surprising swiftness. Turning it over in your hands you notice the detailed french script scrawled over the box. "Imported. Best of the best." She reminds you. Finding the lighter inside with ease, a cigarette disappears. A flicker of a gas flame and the box and lighter vanish as you bring the cigarette to your lips. We smile at you approvingly- you'll do just fine. I pull you down onto my lap, sitting on the bed while she expertly skims through piles of clothing. "Come here, doll." A bit reluctantly you lean away from me, it's okay. I give you a gentle push and you find her standing in front of a wall length mirror. Shoving clothes into your hands, she tells you to put them on quickly. Taking a final drag you grind out the cigarette in the available space left in a near-by ashtray. The white dress slips off, like a symbol of your purity- now it's gone. Pure black, sin, stretches over you now, barely covering anything. You hardly notice. She smiles wickedly , pleased. "You need a name, doll." She ponders this while another cigarette disappears from that pretty little box. I don't listen for a name, I don't want to hear it; you're just another step closer to hell for me. Instead I admire you. "Lacey" You nod approvingly while she applies makeup, you're beautiful already. We have to go. Strapping on those matching heels, you dance out of the door. She tied black lace around your neck. Back in the car, back on the road. I'm driving now. 60, 70, 80, faster in the little black car. Now we're at a mansion, you can already hear the music. You wear a maddening grin as the engine is killed. It suits you. " Lacey" You look up, immediately caught in her eyes. "Watch and learn, baby doll." Almost too eagerly, you nod your head, setting loose those curls that refused to be pinned down.
(C) not-your-puppy.deviantart.com/ARTIST/JULIA! PAWS OFF!
*NOTE: THIS ISN'T FINISHED AND NO, I DON'T PLAN ON FINISHING IT!*
